Having a possessive husband can make life quite difficult. You may feel like you can never spend time alone or that you have interests separate from his. Sometimes you might even feel like you don't deserve your freedom.
This does not apply to ahappy relationship, and you might be wondering if there's anything you can do to change it. Knowing how to control possessiveness in love can help you cope with the reality of living with a possessive husband.
What is a possessive husband?
Before we dive into the specifics of dealing with possessiveness in relationships, it is first important to understand what makes a husband possessive. Simply put, a possessive husband is someone whose behavior crosses the line from love to jealousy and distrust.
A husband with a possessive nature will control. He can dictate how you dress, who you can hang out with, and what you can and can't do. At the heart of possessiveness is afear of losing you.
Your possessive husband will be overly controlling because he worries that you will leave him and feels that you cannot be trusted to be loyal.
Remember that we can all be a bit possessive in relationships because love and possessiveness can go hand in hand to a certain extent.
For example, you might get irritated when someone flirts with your husband in public, or you might worry when another girl likes a photo he posts on social media. This is a normal level of possessiveness.
On the other hand, a possessive husband will come across as overly jealous and paranoid to the point that he won't even allow you to have a social media account.
In short, the answer to "What is possessiveness?" It's about control.
A possessive partner will take behaviors like asking about your whereabouts and worrying about how you are doing to the extreme becausehe is jealous and insecureand feel the need to control your every move to deal with those emotions.
10 signs of a possessive man
Possessiveness in relationships is usually accompanied by several key signs. In general, possessive behaviors come across as controlling and tend to involve high levels of jealousy.
Consider the following 10 signs of a possessive man:
1. When you're not together, he texts you all the time.
A possessive husband probably has an underlying fear of youleave the relationshipor being unfaithful. This means he texts you non-stop when you're not together to make sure you don't do anything to betray him.
You can meet up with a friend for coffee and they'll send you a barrage of messages to see how you're doing. Not only does this help ease their fears that you might be doing something unfair, but it also allows them to stay the center of your attention.
Also try:Is my boyfriend too possessive?
2. Try to control how you dress
Remember that possessiveness is inRelationships are rooted in jealousy, so the possessive husband might be worried that if you dress in a certain way, you might attract the attention of other men. They may even think that if you're wearing a revealing outfit, you're intentionally trying to draw attention to yourself.
This can make you angry and set guidelines about what you can and can't wear.
Related reading:How to stop being jealous in your relationship and live happily ever after
3. He convinces you that he needs to protect you from people who are "bad for you."
A possessive partner who is jealous of your friends and family may be trying to convince you that these people are bad news and that you should stay away from them.
Even though it seems like he's trying to protect you, he actually wants you to ignore these people and give him your full attention.
When you isolate yourself from your loving friends and loved ones, you are also in control. You will most likely isolate yourself from people who have reported your possessive behavior in the past.
Related reading: 15 signs of jealousy in a relationship
4. Demand to know your location at all times
It's natural to worry about your partner when you're going on a long journey. Of course, you also want to know when your partner will arrive at their destination.
While this is acceptable, an overly possessive husband will want to know where you are at all times, even if you've just left the house for a quick trip to the grocery store.
If you're separated, he may call or text him frequently to ask where you are and when you're coming back.
5. He goes so far as to forbid you from seeing friends
If the approach of telling you that your friends are "not good for you" doesn't work, your possessive husband can tell you directly that you can't spend time with friends.
It may indicate that family is more important and try to make you feel guilty about wanting to see friends.
6. Asks for or learns your social media and email passwords without your knowledge
A possessive husband may ask you for your social media and email passwords to check your online behavior.
You can also look up your passwords, either on your phone or in your office where you wrote them down so you can log in and evaluate your every move.
Related reading: 25 Relationship Warning Signs You Should Never Ignore
7. Your expectations are almost impossible to meet
Whether he expects you to spend all your free time with him, never works late, or gives up all your hobbies to make him the center of your world, the possessive husband will never appear happy because he owns himExpectations are simply unrealistic.
You will find yourself giving up your own life and interests to please him, only to find out that he expects the impossible from you.
8. You find it getting in the way of your life goals and dreams
in onehealthy relationship, partners want the other to be the best version of themselves. That means supporting each other to get a promotion at work, go back to school for an additional degree, or take advantage of a travel opportunity.
On the other hand, possessiveness in relationships can cause one partner to sabotage the other's goals as they don't want the spotlight to be stolen from them.
9. He gets offended when you try to do something separate from him.
If you ask for space, also a few hours here and there to have a coffee with a friend, go for a walk orspend some quiet time alone, the husband who is possessive will be incredibly offended.
He needs your time and attention so much that he will disconnect any moment, even if it's just barelyYou need some space, it will not be acceptable to him.
10. He doesn't want to make his own plans
even in onecommitted marriageor relationship, it's natural to want to plan separately from your partner. If your man never wants to play golf with the boys or pursue his own hobbies, it is a sign that he is possessive.
He doesn't want to waste time clinging to you to pursue his own interests.
10 ways to deal with a possessive husband
So what should you do to get rid of possessiveness when you see your husband exhibiting this behavior?
The psychology of possessive men can offer some solutions. Remember that a man who is possessive in relationships often has hisown insecurities, so addressing these uncertainties is necessary to improve behavior.
Consider the following 10 solutions:
1. Calm him down
Possessiveness arises from the fear of losing yourself and the relationship. A little assurance of your love and yourscommitment to the relationshipIt can do a lot to ease your partner's anxieties, which in turn will cause them to tone down their possessive nature.
2. Make them aware of the problem.
If you remain silent about your husband's possessiveness and the problems that come with it, you will never solve the problem. That means it's time to have an honest conversation about it. Tell your man that you feel like he's being too possessive and that you're uncomfortable with him.
3. Give him some love
If your man is too possessive because of his insecurities,Give a little more TLCit can make you feel better. Show him some extra physical affection or compliment him on his looks or anything he does for the family. This may be all you need to start reducing possessive behavior.
Related reading: The power of touch in your marriage
4. Set clear boundaries
A possessive husband is likely to take up your time, making it difficult for you to pursue your own hobbies or spend time with friends. Therefore it is important that youset limitswith the.
For example, you could tell him that he will text you when he arrives at his friend's house and when he goes home, but make it clear that you will enjoy your time with his friend and not spend all of your time together. on the phone
You can also tell him that you can't always take a call or reply to a text right away at work.
Watch this video for tips on setting boundaries in marriage:
5. Have a discussion about the root of the problem
The psychology of possessive men tells us that many problems with insecurity and possessiveness have their roots in childhood.
Find out what's going on that makes you so concerned that you need to check your whereabouts at all times or spend 100% of your waking moments with you. If you get to the root of the problem, you can see the changes neededdo to be happier in the relationship.
6. Try not to get angry
If your man is jealous and possessive, respond to ithis behavior in angerit will only make the situation worse. Avoid the urge to yell at him or get defensive. Instead, take deep breaths when needed and stay calm.
Related reading: 6 Effective Ways To Stop Your Man From Yelling At You
7. Run it with your friends
Since possessiveness is related to jealousy and insecurity, your partner may feel more comfortable with your friends if you sometimes include them when you hang out with them. That way you can get to know them and know that they are not a threat to your marriage.
Related reading: How to deal with jealousy in relationships
8. Tell him what behaviors you cannot tolerate.
Your husband may not be aware of how possessive he is. One way to control possessiveness in love is to point out certain behaviors to your partner that are unacceptable to you.
For example, you can tell him that calling him repeatedly during the workday, putting a tracker on his phone, or checking his email is not acceptable.
9. Give things time
Realize that even if you tell your man that you're uncomfortable with his possessiveness and set boundaries, he's not going to change right away.
You need to give him time to get over his insecurities and adjust to his new expectations. He may slip up from time to time and ask you to hold him accountable by pointing out when you fall back into old habits.
10. Consider therapy
The truth is that possessiveness in relationships can have roots in some issues that date back to childhood. Possessiveness can also be related to a mental illness, such asBorderline Personality Disorder.
If this is the case, your man may need therapy to learn how to stop being possessive in a relationship.
The two of you can go to therapy together to work on the relationship, or your husband may benefit from going to therapy alone to address the underlying issues that lead to the possessive behavior.
Related reading: 7 Obvious Signs and Symptoms of BPD Relationships
The final result
Occasional mild jealousy and protective behavior are natural in relationships, but when your husband becomes controlling and paranoid and demands all of your time and attention, you've crossed the line of possessiveness.
There are things you can do to address the behavior, but in some cases, possessiveness in relationships can lead to emotional abuse or even domestic violence. No one deserves a marriage that involves abuse or violence.
If your man cannot handle this behavior, it may be time to leave the relationship for his own safety.