17 signs of a selfish husband and what to do about them (2023)

Too many women know what it's like to have a selfish husband.

smells bad

And he sucks in a lot of ways: he's unhelpful around the house, he's passive and selfish in bed, he's emotionally distant and selfish, and the list goes on.

When faced with this situation, especially with a man who used to not be selfish and has become so, you may be wondering what went wrong.

Was it something you did? Or has that always been his true nature?

Is your husband just having a tough time or is he now revealing what he was really like beneath his charming facade?

Here are 18 signs you're having a selfish husband and what to do about it...

But first I'm going to go over some important things about selfishness and selfishness.

Is selfishness normal?

We all have the potential to be selfish, and sometimes there's absolutely nothing wrong with putting ourselves first.

There are times when we need to focus on our emotional and physical needs in order to survive and meet life's challenges.

But in a marriage where selfishness has become a one-sided, codependent pattern, that's a big problem.

As a world-renowned shaman, Rudá Iandê teaches in hisFree master class on finding love and intimacyEven those of us with the best of intentions and a great love of giving can end up trapped in toxic cycles of codependency if we don't become aware of what's going on in our love lives and learn to open ourselves up in positive ways first to focus ourselves. Shape.

What makes husbands act selfishly?

There is no answer to that question, of course, and I don't have a magic mirror to look at your marriage or what causes your husband to behave a certain way.

However, I can say from my own experience and that of my friends that there are a few main reasons that are usually the backstory of a selfish husband.

One of the most common is that your husband may have been raised by a single mother where he was spoiled and treated like royalty from an early age. This may have created expectations and norms for him that continued into adolescence and into adulthood.

Men who grew up in a culture where men are seen as responsible often carry that attitude into marriage as well, and can take it to the extreme of expecting their wife to do everything and become controlling. Having a selfish husband is not a culture that every woman enjoys.

Another important "trigger" for your man can be when you have a baby. It may sound overly simplistic, but the newfound attention on the baby can leave your husband feeling left out and left out - sometimes responding by "switching off" and adopting a selfish, "me first" mentality.

Don't rule out working either. When his job really wears him out, sometimes a man can take the path of least resistance and become a jerk at home. You begin to treat work as an "on mode" and home as an "off mode," meaning home is everything, including affection and energy for you and your family.

So, without further ado, here is a list of 18 signs of a selfish husband and what to do about them.

1) What you want doesn't matter

This is an obvious sign of a selfish husband. No matter how stressed or busy he is, the least he can do is worry about how you want and feel.

But if he checks out emotionally and just doesn't care when you talk or express something, then you know you're dealing with a selfish man.

When he does, you'll notice it in many ways, from blanking out while you talk to him and never helping, lying like a rag doll while trying to make love, and generally being a couch potato and to fill a mouth without words of thanks.

If your husband doesn't care what you want, then you need to speak to him directly. Don't try to mimic his behavior because even if he notices, it will likely push him even further back into his bubble. Instead, be honest and open about how left out you feel.

2) He puts his job before you

Let's face it, your husband doesn't necessarily have control over your work schedule unless he's self-employed. And if you get criticized at work, it's not your fault.

When you criticize him for the amount of work he has, it can often be taken as a lack of appreciation for what he does to support you and your family, which undermines yoursHero instinct.

If at the same time you start to actively and consciously put your work ahead of yourself, then it's time to step on the gas.

Unless it's okay to be an afterthought and a welcoming committee after a one-woman job, then you need to be honest with him about the fact that his focus on you at work isn't okay with you and like him would appreciate it if you try to balance things out. a little more out.

3) He stopped protecting you

As author James Bauer explains, there is a hidden key to understanding men and why they behave the way they do in marriage.

it's called theHero instinct.

The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that's getting a lot of buzz these days.

Simply put, men want to stand up and protect the woman they love and be valued and recognized for it. This is deeply embedded in their biology.

Does it still protect you from the small and big things in life? Is he always there for you in difficult times?

If not, then that's a red flag that you haven't activated your husband's heroic instinct.

The best thing you can do now isWatch this video online for free. James Bauer shares the simple things you can do starting today to bring out that very natural male instinct.

(Video) The 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over

When you activate his Hero Instinct, you'll see the results instantly.

Because when a man really feels like your everyday hero, he won't be selfish anymore. You will become more loving, caring, and committed to your marriage.

Here is another link to the "Hero Instinct" video.

4) Your happiness is an afterthought for him.

Nobody can make another person happy andFind out that the key to inner peace lies within you, but there is still something wonderful about enjoying and celebrating happiness as a couple.

If your happiness and contentment has become an afterthought for your husband, then it's time to take stock of what's going on and why.

This is especially true when he expects you to cater to all his needs and complaints but has done sothere is no time or energy that you could devote to yourself.

In fact, when something like this happens, it's probably part of an unhealthy and exhausting cycle of codependency that you need to break out of.

A healthy marriage has limits, and understanding that you can't "fix" another person is one of them, but caring for and being compassionate toward your partner goes both ways.

And if that went out the window because you have a selfish husband, then maybe it's time to be a little selfish and head for the exit door.

PROVE: Is your husband moving away? Take our new quiz "Are you driving away?" and get a real and honest answer.You can find the questionnaire here.

5) Tasks always depend on you

Dividing up chores at home is a normal part of marriage, but when your counterpart has lost the ball, something has definitely gone wrong.

You either behave like a sweatshop boss and order people to do whatever chores they want, or you sit on the couch completely indifferent to what there is to do in your free time.

Either way, you are the one doing the chores and getting things done.

This can be tricky because if you treat him harshly he might react like a cold disciplinarian who doesn't respect him, but if you let him slip he'll take advantage and fight for the record at World Lounging awards.

When this happens, humor can sometimes be a good approach. Pour some water over him when he sleeps instead of putting the dishes in the sink, or ask him if he's heard that a world-renowned archaeologist believes an ancient temple may be buried under the long grass in the courtyard.

When he sees that you're upset but also willing to see the funny side of things, he might remember why he loves you and shake his lazy butt.

6) It's always just him

As I've written before, sometimes it's perfectly okay to focus on ourselves and run our own lives, and the same goes for your husband.

But if it's always just him, then he's gone too far.

For many miles.

Everything from food to dinner, plans for the weekend or buying a new car is up to him alone, and he tunes out and does whatever you say.

If he's had a rough day, you cancel plans for the night, but if you tell him you're feeling stressed and don't think tonight is a good night to visit friends, he'll laugh and tell you to do it. Heads up.

It's all about what you want and feel.

What about you? Let him know you exist too, hopefully without hitting him.

If you see this symptom in your marriage, you need to do itWatch this excellent video for freeby marriage expert Brad Browning.

In this video, Brad reveals the 3 biggest marriage-killing mistakes couples make (and how to fix them).

Brad Browning is the real deal when it comes to saving relationships, especially marriages. He is a best-selling author and provides valuable tips on his extremely popular YouTube channel.

Here is a link to your video again..

7) Is it too late to apologize now?

Justin Bieber asked in his song and the answer is...it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because a selfish husband never apologizes.

No matter what he does or how stupid he is, those words never seem to slip his lips. Because? Because he is selfish and can never accept his share of the blame in a situation.

Even if he's late for your plans.

Or lose your temper.

Or he comes home angry and drunk.

(Video) Signs Your Marriage Is Over And Not Worth Fighting For | Signs You Need To Get Out NOW!

It's always your fault; Even if he did something wrong, it turns out that you somehow magically made him act that way.

harter Pass.

8) Thanks for nothing

If you like hearing the words "thank you" or even "thank you," don't wait. A selfish husband just doesn't care.

He takes what he wants, when he wants, and expects you to grant all of his desires. But does he say thank you?

Absolutely not.

He puts his feet up and demands to be treated like royalty, but expressing appreciation seems beneath his royal highness.

He twiddles his thumbs and texts while you cook dinner, telling you what you can do better, while taking any criticism of him as treason.

He expects you to be there for you when times get tough, but he turns to Houdini any time you need someone.

It's a game that's getting old.

So it's time to tell this lout to get on board or get in shape.

9) He always wins every fight...in his opinion

Imagine if the captain of a hockey team could decide who wins the game based on who plays better. You will most likely choose your own side.

Her selfish husband is like that to the core. He always wins every fight no matter how ugly it gets or how far he crosses the line andperforms low blows.

And when it's over and you're a mess, don't expect him to apologize, and when he does, it's usually only half-assed.

It's hard to say what exactly is going on with this guy, but there's no doubt that he's a selfish husband, and the next time he expects you to back him up in an endless argument over his bullshit, you'll have every one right to just walk away. .

There's no need to be a part of his own personal psychodrama, and it's only fair to let him know that you're no longer comfortable having toxic behavior as a part of your life and that he needs to start taking responsibility take over when he does something wrong like starting a fight or taking you to uncomfortable extremes.

You can also recommend thatFree Ideapod Guided Self Healing Meditation, so that her selfish husband can work on himself and maybe a more relaxed and better guy comes out of a quiet moment in the corner.

10) You can't do anything right

Do you feel like you woke up one day and realized you are the dictator of North Korea?

Crazy, right?

I mean nobody wants a haircut that looks like this and I'm not even a judgmental person.

But the point is, your selfish husband can't stop telling you why you're the worst person in the world.

He's a saint in a way, but everything you do has an ulterior motive or isn't as good as it seems. It's like he's turned into a conspiracy theorist who only believes in one conspiracy: that you're the devil and nothing you do is as good as it seems on the surface.

Have you decided to help out at the local soup kitchen?

According to your husband, you care more about other people than him and you do this to feel self righteous and you are the female version of Gandhi but much fatter and you could maybe use a soup kitchen diet. And …

you get the picture

When you are dealing with this behavior of a selfish husband, a big fight could be inevitable. This type of gaslighting is just not cool at all and needs a reality check.

PROVE: Is he moving away? Find out how you feel about your husband with our new Is he moving away? quiz.check it out here.

11) You get a lot of looks... but not from him

Her selfish husband just doesn't seem to know or care when he has something good going on.

It's nice to get a compliment every now and then, but you can expect them to be rarer than the lost treasure of Atlantis from him.

Esa legendWhat you hear exists and you have vague memories of him when he did it, but those lovely kind words are nowhere to be found from this self-absorbed lout.

Other men at work or in public look up to you, and it's no exaggeration to say that you can see that some find you attractive.

But if your husband's apathetic indifference is any indication, you might as well be an old lady offering dessert samples on tiny toothpicks in the produce aisle.

Isignores youand don't congratulate you.

The most important thing in this case is not to get infected by his behavior and not to blame yourself. Don't try to get his attention either.

(Video) You MUST Walk Away from These People | Jordan Peterson on TOXIC Relationships

Try complimenting him and see what he does. If you don't get the hint, maybe it's time for some serious marriage counseling.

12) We might as well be strangers...

your selfish husbandhe often becomes very poor at communication.

You will hear lots of grunts, demands or even giggleshe checksYour favorite comedy or fun stuff online, but you won't hear much of actual conversations and messages.

Even if you try, he doesn't seem to like it and doesn't care.

It's not even that he doesn't love you, he seems to put little value in communicating with you.

In this case, it's important to make your man realize that you're not just a doll on a shelf offering delicious food and sex.

You are a living, breathing woman who really wants to be in a relationship and to talk and interact.

This is a perfectly reasonable disclosure requirement.

13) Farewell hugs and kisses

I'm so sorry...but if you have a selfish husband, chances are you've experienced a lack of intimacy.

Goodbye hugs and kisses. This guy just doesn't care. You might still want to be naughty in bed, but foreplay and daily hugging and kissing seem to have gone to a far-off land.

He still has all sorts of expectations of you, but he doesn't express or show appreciation and doesn't seem to appreciate being around you except to gratify his basic desires from time to time.

What about it? It's not cool, of course, and if he's withholding some intimacy from you, then it's time to tell him upfront that you feel abandoned and that he feels distant.

If you still don't care, then it's time to kick that selfish husband out or get him into marriage camp with a counselor ASAP.

14) Taking sex for granted

Selfish husbands expect sex like it's owed them. A selfish husband tends to treat sex as if it's just for his pleasure.

He gets out and leaves.

Don't look for pillow talk, foreplay, or any kind of deep intimacy. This guy is just trying to get his batter home and doesn't care how many fouls the pitcher has to throw to get him there.

He doesn't give a damn about your pleasure and will ignore any suggestions you make or attempts you make to deepen the sexual connection.

If he wants to try something new he will be demanding, but if you want changes in your sex life he will be dismissive and uninterested.

This is a big problem and may require a sex therapist and/or marriage counselor.

15) He's the director and you're just part of the background

The selfish husband is the ultimate selfish man: he pretends he's the director of a big movie and you're just a backstage detail or small set.

He doesn't consult you on things, not even major life decisions, and sometimes he looks at you as if he forgets why you're there.

This lewd behavior is totally unacceptable and probably not your fault unless you recently cheated on him or something triggered his dissociative reaction.

In most cases, he does it because he's selfish. Your advice and interaction with him seems to pass him by and he doesn't care what you think about anything.

Maybe he'll care if you go away.

When the band sang Cinderella in their classic 1988 power ballad,"You don't know what you have until you lose it".

16) Romantic times for two are a thing of the past.

Whether it's a vacation or just a nice dinner, the selfish husband is the ultimate slacker when it comes to spending romantic time together.

He's more interested in hanging out with his friends, watching a show, or (probably) masturbating to porn in his man cave.

It's sad to say that the romantic moments you can remember from earlier in your marriage seem to be a thing of the past.

Even if you propose a date, he doesn't commit or get excited. Besides, what should you do: guide him step by step and basically plan a romantic moment for him?

That's shameful.

This is a major symptom of the selfish husband and if you experience it, it's time to seek treatment.

17) You are not part of their plans

Aside from not telling you about the big decisions he makes, the selfish husband will literally let you out of his plans.

Sometimes they do this in embarrassing and abusive ways, such as not making time for an event you both agreed to attend together and instead meeting your friends or playing golf.

(Video) Use This SIMPLE TEST To See If Someone You Love Is A NARCISSIST | Matthew Hussey

Sometimes it's just silly mistakes, like going into a great BBQ restaurant as a vegetarian and joking about how you can always order the salad and then blaming yourself for the entire meal on how delicious the pulled pork is and what kind a shame. you don't eat meat

You just don't factor much into their plans.

And that feeling of being a side part can get old really fast. So it's pretty clear that when you're dealing with this kind of selfish husband, you should call him directly.

18) You see the relationship go wrong... but you do nothing

The selfish husband is passive and hopes that everything will work out without your help.

Often they are unaware of how bad the relationship is going, or seem to notice it for just a second from time to time.

Even if he feels the relationship is going off the rails and you say yes outright and want his involvement, he will tend to switch off or just engage in the most basic life-saving efforts you've built together.

In this case you have reached the last leg of the journey and if he is not willing to do anything to make your relationship life-sustaining then it is time to get some serious counseling and if that doesn't work, then it is may leave time for it. your separate ways.

There is not much you can do for another person and it is ultimately up to him whether he stops being a selfish husband or not.

There is still hope...

Even if you're dealing with a selfish husband for the history books and you're at your wits end, there's still hope. In many cases, therapy, clear communication, and self-work can help turn things around.

One thing I recommend is checking out this free video by marriage guru Brad Browning. He explains what you did wrong and what you need to do to make your man fall in love with you again.

Click here to watch the video.

Many things can slowly infect a marriage: distance, misunderstandings and sexual problems. If not properly addressed, these issues can lead to infidelity and breakup.

Whenever someone asks me about an expert who can save a failing marriage, I always recommend Brad Browning.

Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a bestselling author and gives valuable tips on his popular YouTube channel.

Here is a link to his free video again..

FREE eBook: The Marriage Repair Handbook

Just because a marriage is struggling doesn't mean you should divorce.

The key is to act now to change things before things get worse.

For practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBookHere.

Our goal with this book is to help you repair your marriage.

Here is another link to the free eBook

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice about your situation, speaking to a relationship counselor can be very helpful.

I know this from my own experience...

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Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit Review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you may find interesting. If you buy them, we get a small commission from that sale. However, we only recommend products that we have personally researched and that we truly believe may be of value to you. Read our affiliate disclosureHere. We appreciate your comments[email protected].

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(Video) If He DOESN'T VALUE YOU, Do This To Get Him To CHANGE! | Matthew Hussey


How do you respond to a selfish husband? ›

Ways To Deal With A Selfish Spouse
  1. Discuss, do not complain. One of the biggest mistakes we do is to complain. ...
  2. Focus on the positives. Save. ...
  3. Let them take the responsibility. ...
  4. Take yourself seriously. ...
  5. Speak up. ...
  6. Understand the root cause. ...
  7. Take a final call.
Dec 12, 2022

Is my husband selfish or is it me? ›

Prioritizes himself

Self-absorption is but one of the many selfish husband signs. He never thinks about your well-being or comfort. Their world revolves around one person: themselves. He will not ask you about your likes, dislikes in terms of decisions, big or small.

What does selfishness look like in a marriage? ›

Selfishness means to care for only oneself; getting as much as you want but giving little or nothing in return. In short it is all about you. Selfishness means to care for only oneself; getting as much as you want but giving little or nothing in return.

How do you stay married to a selfish man? ›

Below, experts offer seven tips for responding to a selfish partner.
  1. Work Toward Your Own Happiness. Cavan Images/Cavan/Getty Images. ...
  2. Communicate Your Needs To Your Partner. ...
  3. Be A Bit Selfish Yourself. ...
  4. Make A “Request For Change” ...
  5. Be On The Lookout For Gaslighting. ...
  6. Take A “Save-Cation” ...
  7. If Necessary, Break It Off.
May 9, 2016

How do I deal with an arrogant selfish husband? ›

This Is How Can Deal With An Egoistic Husband Or Partner!
  1. Talk To Him Frankly.
  2. Learn And Practice Saying The Word NO!
  3. Don't Expect An Apology.
  4. You Do Not Need His Permission.
  5. Encourage When He Shows Good Behaviour.
Jun 8, 2021

How does selfishness destroy relationships? ›

The common consequence of being selfish is that it creates an unhealthy one-sided relationship dynamic. In addition, our partners may start to feel resentful or disappointed by the relationship. It's not uncommon for relationships to end because of selfishness.

What is gaslighting in a marriage? ›

The term gaslighting became popular in the 1960s. It is used to describe the manipulation of another person's perception of reality. Gaslighting is a common tool used by narcissistic and abusive spouses to control their partners. When done correctly, gaslighting can make a spouse doubt their own senses and memory.

What does a selfish husband look like? ›

This type of husband is someone who looks after his own needs ahead of his spouse. He does not take into account the feelings and needs of his spouse as long as his own are met. As a result, his wife feels neglected and disrespected. You might think that it is easy to spot a selfish husband.

How do you know your husband is ungrateful? ›

Signs of a Selfish Husband
  1. Sign 1: He thinks he is always right. ...
  2. Sign 2: He shows no interest in your interests. ...
  3. Sign 3: He wants to be dominant – all the time! ...
  4. Sign 4: He refuses to apologize. ...
  5. Sign 5: He never appreciates you. ...
  6. Sign 6: He does not reach out after a fight. ...
  7. Sign 7: He takes you for granted.
Mar 10, 2022

What is a narcissistic husband? ›

A narcissistic husband is usually a very selfish person and will only think about themselves, and not about you or your relationship together. They might expect you to do all the housework, or they may want to have sex with you when they want it, but not when you want it.

How do you know if your husband is toxic? ›

' Toxic, abusive partners don't want to take ownership (in situations where they objectively should) and will avoid doing so again and again. And, when they seem to take ownership, it's manipulative and over-the-top, with no change in behavior to support it,” she says.

What does a lonely marriage look like? ›

Being in a lonely marriage doesn't mean you're physically excluding your partner from your life, but you're emotionally excluding them from your thoughts. While you two may talk, you're not communicating your hopes, fears and dreams.

What is the root of selfishness? ›

Selfishness really seems to have its roots in the term narcissism. It is a behavior that is both genetic and environmental. It is maintained by innate tendencies and influenced by temperament as well as external learning from parents and others throughout child development.

What does a loveless marriage look like? ›

A loveless marriage is a relationship where one or both partners do not feel in love. Instead of being romantic lovers, they often feel more like roommates or siblings. Being in a loveless marriage often breeds isolation, resentment, and hopelessness.

What destroys a marriage? ›

While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages. Honesty regarding things such as spending habits, internet relationships, and substance use or addiction can create cracks in a marriage that quickly become chasms.

How do you know when it's time to end your marriage? ›

"If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both partners is spending all their time at work, with friends, online — and if feels like a relief not to be with each other — it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage."

Is my husband using me? ›

Being used by a guy is something that no woman should experience. Signs of being used in a relationship include only getting booty calls, never talking about commitment, and not developing a deep connection to your spouse.

How do you respond to a toxic spouse? ›

If you are worried about how to deal with a toxic spouse or toxic marriage, here are some tips that will help you.
  1. Accept. ...
  2. Avoid the negative energies. ...
  3. Stand up for yourself. ...
  4. Avoid anger as much as you can. ...
  5. Be kind to yourself and your partner. ...
  6. Invest in yourself. ...
  7. Take responsibility for your actions. ...
  8. Let the past rest.
Jan 31, 2022

How do you respond to a selfish person? ›

10 Great Ways to Deal with Selfish People
  1. Accept that selfish people have no regard for others. ...
  2. Give yourself the attention you deserve. ...
  3. Stay true to yourself—don't stoop to their level. ...
  4. Remind them that the world does not revolve around them. ...
  5. Starve them of the attention they crave. ...
  6. Bring up topics that interest you.

What does selfishness do to a marriage? ›

Selfishness is one of the major enemies of married love and of love within the family. It affects how we talk to each other, how we divide responsibilities in the home, how we resolve conflicts, and even how we spend our time. It prevents a couple from growing together in marriage. Selfishness is all about getting.

How do you know when your marriage is over? ›

Here are seven signs from experts that a Carmel family law attorney believes mean a marriage might be over.
  1. Lack of Sexual Intimacy. ...
  2. Frequently Feeling Angry with Your Spouse. ...
  3. Dreading Spending Alone-Time Together. ...
  4. Lack of Respect. ...
  5. Lack of Trust. ...
  6. Disliking Your Spouse. ...
  7. Visions of the Future Do Not Include Your Spouse.
Dec 7, 2019

How does a toxic husband behave? ›

' Toxic, abusive partners don't want to take ownership (in situations where they objectively should) and will avoid doing so again and again. And, when they seem to take ownership, it's manipulative and over-the-top, with no change in behavior to support it,” she says.


1. Dating, Relationships & Marriage Dos & Don’ts / How To Be More Feminine
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2. 11 Signs Of a Husband With Narcissistic Traits
(Tamie M Joyce)
3. February 15 | Wednesday Morning Bible Study with Paige Brown Livestream | West End Community Church
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4. Dr. Phil S17E56 Dr. Phil: Should I Divorce My Narcissistic, Angry Husband?
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5. Top 10 Indicators That It's Time To Leave The Narcissist
(Surviving Narcissism)
6. Save Your Marriage While Separated: Do This!
(Marriage Helper)


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