In this article
When you are in a passive relationship, you may become withdrawn from your partner and not express your own needs. You may think you are keeping the peace and making your partner happy, but in the end, passivity in relationships can lead to unhappiness and conflict.
What is passivity in a relationship?
If you are in a passive relationship, chances are you sacrifice your own needs for your partner's on a regular basis. It's natural for couples to sometimes put the other person's needs before their own in any situation.long term relationship.
When you are passive in relationships, you will find yourself constantly thinking of your partner before yourself, to the point where your own needs are pushed aside.
Apassive relationship definitioncould be the following:
A relationship in which a person is completely focused on his partner, suppresses his own needs, is unable to express his emotions, and becomes submissive and helpless.
Why am I so passive in relationships?
If you are the passive partner in a relationship, you might be wondering what the reason for your behavior is. Sometimes passivity or passivity results fromlow self-esteem.
If you don't have healthy levels of self-esteem, you may feel like you don't deserve to have your needs met in a relationship. Instead of defending what he needs, he refers to his partner.
If you are passive in a relationship, you may also develop codependent tendencies. FORcodependent coupleThey can become passive because their entire sense of self-worth is focused on making meaningful sacrifices to make their partner happy.
If you are codependent, all your time and energy will be focused onmake your partner happy, to the extent that you ignore your own needs because you gain a sense of purpose by meeting their every need.
You may have been taught to be passive in relationships because of your childhood. Maybe one of your parents was hard to please or punished for expressing emotions.
You may have felt that you were in the way of asserting yourself or that your purpose was to fulfill all of your parents' demands. If that's the case, you can quickly grow into a passive relationship.
Regardless of the cause of the passivity, when a person is passive in relationships, there is often an underlying belief that the person is not good enough to meet your needs or does not deserve your opinions to be heard.
In the end, they end up sacrificing their well-being to keep their partner happy.
Watch this video to spot the clear signs of low self-esteem:
25 Signs You're Too Passive in Your Relationship
If you think you might be in a very passive relationship, the 25 signs below can help confirm that your suspicions are confirmed:
1. You refer to your partner
Someone who is passive in relationships often gives in to their partner. This means that when asked about his opinion, he tends to answer: "Whatever you think is best" or "I agree with what you think".
It shows that you are avoidingexpressing your own needs, perhaps for fear of upsetting your partner.
2. You worry that your partner is not happy.
When passivity is rooted incodependent behaviors, you may feel anxious because your partner is not happy. This is because codependent people gain self-esteem and a sense of purpose by pleasing another person.
When you feel that your partner is not happy, you will be extremely anxious because you will feel that you have failed in your role.
3. You are alone for the ride
Importantrelationship decisionsthey must be done together, like moving in together or adopting a dog. If you are passive in your relationships, you are likely to give in to your partner and go along with whatever he wants.
This could mean that the relationship is going faster than you'd like, but you allow yourself to let go instead of saying that you'd like to slow things down.
4. You accept all of your partner's opinions
A passive person may be so afraid to express their opinions that they accept other people's opinions.
You may find yourself expressing opinions that are identical to your partner's beliefs, even if you've never expressed those beliefs before.enter the relationship.
5. You seem to have lost yourself in the relationship.
A partnership involves two people who share life, but each person still maintains their own separate identity and interests in ahealthy relationship.
If you start to feel like you've lost your identity and become everything your partner wants you to be, you're probably being too passive.
6. You don't set boundaries
People who are very passive tend to have difficulty with boundaries. Rather than standing up for their own needs, such as asking for alone time or speaking up when they feel disrespected, someone who is passive in relationships is more likely to allow their partner to take advantage of them.
7. Making decisions is never your role
In every relationship, there are times when one partner decides where to go for dinner and it's not the other's favorite, but if you're too passive, you can fall into the trap of never making either decision.
You always refer to your partner's opinions, whether it's making minor decisions like which movie to watch or deciding something more important like a home renovation budget.
8. Your hobbies or interests have fallen by the wayside
Another problem that arises when you are too passive is losing sight of your hobbies and interests. Maybe you used to enjoy hiking, but your partner doesn't prefer the activity, so you've abandoned it in favor of his interests.
It is actually beneficial when you and your partner have common interests, but you also have the right to keep your hobbies instead of making all of your partner's hobbies your own.
Related reading: 6 hobbies that will strengthen your relationship
9. The word "no" is not part of your vocabulary
Commitment is essential in relationships., so sometimes you may have to give in to your partner when you'd rather say "No". That said, if you never say no to your partner and constantly give in to their needs, even when it means sacrificing your best interests, you're being too passive.
10. You avoid conflicts
Even the strongest relationships involve disagreements from time to time, but if you're too passive in a relationship, you'll likely find yourselfavoiding conflict. Instead of facing the problem, you can avoid your partner for a while, hoping it will pass.
11. You are often the first to apologize.
Passivity often comes with an aversion to conflict, so it canApologize to your partnereven if you're not wrong, to please them and help them stop being mad at you.
12. Resentment is growing
Even if you are a kind and loving person who likes to keep the peace, you will eventually start to build up resentment if you are in a passive relationship. Giving up your interests and constantly giving in to your partner brings frustration, and you may start to feel like you're being exploited.
13. You isolated yourself from your loved ones
When you're at the bottom of the relationship, your partner may have a more dominant personality. This means that your family's interests and duties will come first, while you must forego getting together with your friends and family.
14. You want their approval
Remember that passivity can come from a place of low self-esteem. If this is the case, yoursense of self-esteemit could come from your partner's approval and you're afraid that if you stand up for yourself, you'll let them down.
You may find that you have become completely dependent on your partner's approval.
15. You find yourself accepting cruelty
Being last means you won't feel comfortable facing your partner. You may fear starting a fight, or you may worry that your partner will be unhappy or leave you if you express that he has hurt your feelings.
What ends up happening is that you accept cruel and maybeabusive behaviorbecause you are not willing to express your feelings.
16. You gave up on dreams and things more important to you
In a long-term relationship, you might occasionally give up on your dreams for the sake of your partner. For example, maybe your career is thriving, but your partner has the opportunity to move across the country in search of their dream job.
Maybe you'll agree to move in with them and leave your job behind, knowing your partner will help you find a similar job in your new city.
Occasional sacrifices like this can be healthy, but if you've sacrificed all your dreams, whatthe relationship is one-sided, and there is no doubt that you are a very passive person in a relationship.
17. You are starting to feel inferior
After a while, constantly giving in to your partner's needs can make you feel like you're not their equal. You may feel that they are superior to you and that you are beneath them, further eroding your self-esteem.
18. Goals disappeared
When all of your attention is focused on making your partner happy, you can start to neglect your own goals.
Maybe you've dreamed of going back to school or having your own business one day, but you've given up because you don't want to waste time taking care of your partner.
19. You let your partner make decisions for you
In a healthy relationship, big decisions like moving to a new house or splitting bills and responsibilities are a joint effort. However, you must still retain the independence to make your own decisions about your personal preferences and interests.
When your partner starts deciding every aspect of your life, like what you wear and where you go, your passivity has crossed the line into unhealthy territory.
Related reading: Why is it important to accept responsibility in a relationship?
20. Doubts when expressing your opinion
In a bottom relationship, one of the partners, the bottom, lacks confidence when expressing his opinions.
This means that if you are too passive, you may find yourself speaking too softly when sharing your opinion, or you may get lost and not finish your sentences. This is because you are hesitant to share for fear that it might upset your partner.
Related reading: 10 ways to speak the truth in a relationship
21. You are hard on yourself
Passive people tend to be people pleasers; they want to make others happy so they put their own needs aside. This can lead you to be incredibly hard on yourself.
You may tell yourself that you are a failure or that you "really screwed up" if you and your partner have a conflict or if you fail to make them happy.
22. Eye contact is a struggle
Looking someone in the eye when speaking is often considered asign of trustin Western cultures.
If you have trouble looking your partner in the eye during a conversation, that's a pretty clear sign of passivity.
23. You try to make yourself smaller
When you are so passive that you constantly give in to others, you can end up trying to make yourself "lesser," so to speak. You can downplay your accomplishments or, when offering advice, you can start with phrases like, "I may not know what I'm talking about, but...".
You may even find that you are afraid to share your accomplishments or that you consider yourself very successful because you don't want your partner to look inferior.
24. You feel guilty about taking care of yourself
If you're in a passive relationship, you've probably become accustomed to sacrificing your own needs and desires for the benefit of your partner. This means that you are likely to feel overwhelming guilt on those rare occasions when you need to take care of yourself.
Maybe you're sick and can't make your partner dinner like you normally do, or maybe you want to catch up with a friend from college who's visiting for the holidays, but that means missing a meeting with your significant other.
If you choose to do what's best for you in these situations, you'll likely feel embarrassed.
Related reading: Guilt in relationships: signs, causes and how to deal with it
25. You have become self-critical
When you spend most of your time in a relationship being passive, your
self-esteem can sink a lot. You might even find that you start calling
names, like useless or stupid because your passivity
It has led you to believe that you don't deserve this.
How to end passivity in relationships?
When you are too passive in relationships, you are likely to get into trouble. Your self-esteem will deteriorate and you will begin to realize that you have given up your interests, goals and passions to please your partner.
Over time, this leads to resentment. The relationship can even become completely one-sided, to the point where your partner starts taking advantage of you.
It's no secret that the extreme passivity inrelationships are not healthy, but if you are a passive person in relationships, it is likely that this has become a pattern of behavior for you. This means you won't be able to change things overnight.
You may need to make a conscious effort to change your behavior patterns in relationships. You can start by talking to your partner and setting boundaries, but you may not see immediate changes.
Remember that passive behavior can have roots in childhood. Maybe your parents were too demanding, or maybe they were emotionally abusive and punished you for expressing your feelings.
It takes time to heal from this and develop new ways of behaving in relationships. You may need to seek the advice of a professional, such as a counselor, to help you overcome childhood problems, developHealthier communication skills., and behave less passively.
Group counseling can also be beneficial if you have become passive in your relationships.
a recentto studyShe has found that group therapy can help people increase their self-esteem; therefore, if you suffer from low self-esteem and feel that you are unworthy of advocating for your own relationship needs, group interventions may benefit you.
Being in a passive relationship can lead to problems, but once you recognize this negative behavior, you can take steps to overcome it. Being aware of your passivity can help you identify feelings and behaviors you need to change.
Working with a counselor is necessary in many cases, as it can be difficult to change long-standing behavior patterns without support.
It can be intimidating to seek help. Still, a counselor can help you process your emotions and build your confidence so you can feel more comfortable standing up for yourself and choosing healthy relationships.
Counseling is also a safe space for underlying processing issues like childhood trauma that contribute to your passive relationships. Taking the first step and seeking help shows strength and courage.